That Mighty Change of Heart...

This weekend, Kent and I had the opportunity of staying in Logan on Saturday night. (Many thanks to Steph and Sky for holding down the fort!) We had dinner with Alex and Ashley and Ashley's parents, Tim and Lori (a.k.a. Bob and Helen). It was wonderful to meet Ashley's parents again! They are good people...they've obviously done a great job parenting...Ashley is a terrific young woman. She and Alex make a cute couple.

It was parent's weekend at USU, and so on Sunday we joined Tyson, Alex and Ashley at their student ward. The 'topic of the day' was 'conversion and honesty', two topics that I've heard many times before, but never specifically dealt with together. So, when the word, conversion, is mentioned...what do you think of? As the speakers shared their thoughts on conversion, one mentioned that true conversion means you are completely honest--in your dealings with your fellow men, allowing no hypocrisy; with ourselves, not rationalizing even our small misdeeds; and most importantly with God. We may be able to fool those around us, even for a time fool ourselves, but we can't fool our Heavenly Father.

So, as far as I can see conversion is a consistent process taking place over a lifetime. Recently, I was asked if I would share how my life has changed 'since my conversion' in a leadership meeting coming up in a couple weeks. The talks given yesterday made me think alot about my life, my experiences, the changes I have made and some weaknesses that have yet to be conquered.

As I was listening yesterday, I turned to the Bible Dictionary and looked up 'conversion'--"Conversion denotes changing one's views, in a conscious acceptance of the will of God. If followed by continued faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism in water for the remission of sins, and the reception of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands, conversion will become complete, and will change a natural man in to a sanctified, born again, purified person--a new creature in Christ Jesus. Complete conversion comes after many trials and much testing. To labor for the conversion of one's self and others is a noble task."

Isn't it funny that the meaning written in the dictionary can make the process of change seem so easy?! ...Any yet, putting ourselves in line with what the Lord wants for us doesn't always seem easy. So, if I have been 'spiritually born of God, and if I have received His image in my countenance, if I have experienced this mighty change of heart?...Can I feel so now? President Ezra Taft Benson said, "That man (or woman) is greatest and most blessed and joyful whose life most closely approaches the pattern of Christ. This has nothing to do with worldly wealth, power or prestige. The only true test of greatness, blessedness, joyfulness is how close a life can come to being like the Master, Jesus Christ. He is the right way, the full truth, the abundant life."

I've been humming the primary song, "I am a Builder". I can be a builder, working each day to build my family...I can be strong and righteous as I build my eternal family...My Heavenly Father sent me here, and He know I can be, strong and righteous as I build my family..." I can do the work, I can build myself, and my testimony, and change until my thoughts and actions are as they should be...I don't have to tear the 'whole building' down, just renovate what is already there...

Disappointment, and other uplifting topics...

What do you do when someone you care about disappoints you? Perhaps it was something little--he or she was late to an important appointment, or reacted poorly to something you said (perhaps they were stressed about something)... Most of the time, little disappointments can be dealt with by thinking through the situation. Usually what I find is my disappointment is partly my fault--either my expectation was too high, or perhaps I wasn't sensitive enough, or didn't listen well enough, and the list goes on... Life is such a process of continued effort to do better, to treat others kindly, to live with inspiration at all times....

But...what happens when that disappointment is deep? When it causes you to question your core beliefs? Or when that disappointment seems personal...? When the disappointment is so profound that it seems physical--there's just an ache that won't quit? It's taken me 45 years to begin to figure out when to hold on, and when to let go.... "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the the Wisdom to know the difference." When I find myself disappointed, hurt, depressed, in pain...due to the actions of another, and I cannot see how I might bear at least some of the responsibility, that is the time when I've come to recognize that I must rely on the Love that only God can give--unconditional, accepting, and unchanging. When I am wise enough to seek that love, our Heavenly Father does not fail me. I am not found wanting. I am full. The funny thing is, that although my problem may still be there, the pain is gone, and peace, deep peace fills my heart--at least until the next moment when I choose to be a 'loner'.... I know he is there for each of us in our lowest moments. He will not fail us.

"It is my personal belief that in all of Christ's mortal ministry the Father may never have been closer to His Son than in those agonizing final moments of suffering. Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son, who had never spoken ill, nor done wrong, nor touched any unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind --us, all of us--would feel when we did commit such sins (or feel the affects of the sins of those we care for). For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die, not only physically, but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone." (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland)

One of my daughter's has a sign on her bedroom wall. It says, "When life gets too hard to stand, KNEEL". So, here's to all of us 'loners', may we recognize when to hold on, and when to let go...

"Piece" Out

Yesterday I felt like I folded the "Mt. Everest" of laundry piles! Found within the piles of laundry was a t-shirt that my son received for his birthday. It has a picture of Mr. Potato Head on the front of it. Unfortunately, Mr. Potato Head is missing a couple of pieces. The caption under this sad picture is "Piece Out".

Recently, a friend of mine has been going through some difficult trials. I'm not sure what is worse, going through a trial or watching as someone I care about struggles. The theme on the t-shirt seemed to fit perfectly. I know that challenges are ultimately for our good, and that we can receive strength and 'peace' as we look to the One who suffered the pains of us all. BUT...the process of getting to that place where we do rely on Him can leave us feeling as though we have "pieces missing".

I am grateful for the gift of prayer that can bring 'peace' to my achy heart. There is a part of me that would rather suffer myself, than watch the process unfold in another's life. Here's to all of us 'incomplete ones' with pieces missing....

Coasting...

I remember when I was young and learned how to ride a bike. I would ride my bike everywhere! I even remember riding my brother Craig's bike--it was aqua blue with a sparkling, silver banana seat, and a 3-speed stick shift placed on the middle bar. Craig rarely rode his bike, so often I was able to ride to my heart's content! As I became a more competent bicycler, I became a little more daring...coasting without my feet on the pedals, riding with 'no hands'. This, of course, was before the big 'push' for helmet-wearing--in fact, I'm not sure I ever saw bike helmets until I became a mother. Perhaps, it was selective vision... When I went away to college, I remember calling my parents and asking them if they would help me purchase a bike. Being a parent of college-age children now, I can imagine them covering the phone and gleefully saying to each other, "All she wants is money to buy a bicycle!" And so, I bought a bike, and, for the next 3+ years booked around campus, to work, to institute, and even for rides in the mountains on my shiny red bike with a plain black bike seat (having graduated from the sparkling, silver banana seat). Of course, old habits die hard, and I continued occasionally coasting without my feet on the pedals, or riding with 'no hands'. What a sense of freedom and exhilaration!

Well, fast-forward ahead 20+ years or so, and I still enjoy going for a bike ride on occasion. Of course, it may be challenging for me to find a bike in our garage with tires that aren't flat, but I won't go 'there'. I still find myself 'coasting'--putting myself in a little bit of a precarious position. Of course, this has nothing to do with bicycles...this has more to do with the desire to just 'enjoy the ride'. Funny thing--life--it has a way of presenting hills, sometimes MOUNTAINS! Coasting isn't always an option, is it? Sometimes I wish it was...but, alas, the 'real' Vickie not only likes to coast, but likes a challenge as well. The trick is putting forth the effort worthy of the challenge, when I feel like coasting.

Isn't it wonderful that we have a source we can go to for strength in our 'mountain' situations. A wise man once said, "In the master's service, you will come to know and love Him. You will, if you persevere in prayer and faithful service, begin to sense that the Holy Ghost has become a companion. Many of us have for a period given such service and felt that companionship. If you think back on that time, you will remember that there were changes in you. The temptation to do evil seemed to lessen. The desire to do good increased. Those who knew you best and loved you may have said, 'You have become more kind, more patient. You don't seem to be the same person.' You weren't the same person because the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real. And the promise is real that we can become changed, new, and better. And we can become stronger for the tests of life. We then go in the strength of the Lord, a strength developed in His service. He goes with us. And in time we become His tested and strengthened disciples." (Henry B. Eyring)

So, when I find my 'ride' becoming steeper, I know that I can choose not to ride alone. My strength is found in that choice. I can choose to pedal hard, coast and perhaps stop the progression of my 'ride', or I can seek the aid of the 'Master' biker...The choice is mine.

No Need for Despair!

Recently, I've been reading a book about the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This morning I ran across a quote by Truman Madsen that said, "Men have stood at pulpits and elsewhere--great men--and have testified that their knees have never buckled...We have had monumental men who did not need redemption as much as they needed power, and who never fell very far from the communing light of which I have spoken. I cannot bear that kind of testimony. But if there are some of you who have been tricked into the conviction that you have gone too far, that you have been weighed down with doubts on which you alone have a monopoly, that you have had the poison of sin which makes it impossible ever again to be what you could have been --then hear me.
I bear testimony that you cannot sink farther than the light and sweeping intelligence of Jesus Christ can reach. I bear testimony that as long as there is one spark of the will to repent and to reach, He is there. He did not just descend to your condition; he descended below it, 'that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth' (D&C 88:6)"
It brings peace to my heart to know that, in our darkest hour, the Savior knows. He may not have made the mistakes that I make, but He's felt the consequences of my mistakes, and all others... I can't fathom it--but I am so grateful for the patience and grace His Atonement allows us!

Love the Quiet Moments...

Recently I have given a lot of thought regarding what is most important to me. These thought, I believe, come naturally, but 'happenings' in my world cause me to ponder...Marriage, motherhood, grandmotherhood, earthquakes in diverse places, children getting married, graduating from high school and moving on... Many things to think about... Have I done my best? How will our family be as our children move into adulthood? Have I shared good values and thoughts? Many questions... I love & cherish the quiet moments when I can send these thoughts and feelings out and feel that peace, the calm, that my efforts are accepted. Even the moments when I know that I haven't done my best, when I know I am being tutored and taught, I feel that calm in knowing that God loves me despite my many weaknesses. My greatest desire is to love in a Christ-like way, particularly with my family....

Gratitude: If your cup is full, quit pouring!

With a houseful of children, it is unusual for Kent and I to get a full 8 hours of sleep without being interrupted! For the most part, we are probably a little sleep deprived, but this morning I got up and helped Jake to fold newspapers. For a couple of years, I would run the paper route with Jake and Dan, but this year Jake informed me, in a nice way, that he doesn't need me to drive him. I think part of it could be the fact that, for the most part, I don't enjoy the same music that Jake does.....I guess I really have become a "mom"! So, this morning Jake came in early and asked what car he should drive. Rachel left at 4:50 to sell donuts (yes, we did wake up when she woke up as well! :) and drove the car that Jake usually drives.

Boy, I am rambling....I got up and helped fold papers. After Jake left, I heard a knock on the door...one of the teachers from the ward was here to pick up Daniel to go to the Ogden Temple. After waking Dan, ironing his shirt (he was in a hurry to get ready!), he walked out the door with 'just woke up' hair--a sleeping child, beautiful--a boy dragging himself out of bed to head to the Temple early Saturday morning, PRICELESS!
So, after all this I sat down with this computer, wanting to search for some Christmas stories, scriptures, songs that we could enjoy as a family, and decided to see if there was a devotional on TV--what I have been listening to for the past few minutes has been Wayne Dyer, hence the saying, "If your cup is full, quit pouring..." His show is focused on the power of our thoughts--and our thoughts are powerful! There is power in GRATITUDE! Aren't they a great looking bunch! They each add so much to our lives....and our cup is overflowing.... I recognize that when I am grateful, I am happy. I can find things to be grateful for, even in the hard things...Our cup is full...but the pouring continues.....a great son-in-law, a beautiful granddaughter....so much to be thankful for!